Top Five Romanian Nightmares

5. Dogs. Ugly and mean, ownerless, biting and chewing. One might be tempted to believe that there actually is a bread called “Romanian dog”. Romanian dogs can be found anywhere, especially around the public buildings. They live in highly organized groups and pass their time hunting people and begging for food. Romanian dogs are always ready for a ride with the bus or subway. They feed especially with children. Occasionally they devour Japanese diplomatic personnel. Beware.

4. Trees. Oddly enough, in Romania trees may be a nightmare. It’s for the houses are so misbuilt that whenever a medium-size tree grows by a house its roots get to break the house’s foundation and the roof falls on the inhabitant’s head. I once had a medium-size tree growing by my house; few months later I’ve started blogging.

3. People. Romanian people are not a breed on its own, although it was incessantly assumed during the last decades. Romanian people live in herds, watching tv and procreating. They’re interesting especially for having found a new social organization: a small part of them is working abroad, whilst the rest of the society is consuming back home. There are some theories concerning Romanian people’s cannibalism, but we’d like to have firmer evidence, based upon a field report.

2. Candy. Romanian candies are even worst than people. Don’t even think about sucking a Romanian candy. They’re simply suckingproof, in spite of the huge amount of sugar they contain. Some scholars suspect Romanian candies are actually little coloured stones covered with high pressure crystallized sugar; and this theory has very good chances to be correct.

1. The Being. This is the worst nightmare ever. As metaphysical creatures, Romanians simply love thinking about Being. Early in the morning, just after having procreated, Romanian people got up and start thinking about the Being. The most important national issue is how to find an unbreakable argument concerning the necessity of the existence of the Being, that would be themselves. When they are to tired (because of too much thinking about themselves), Romanian people go shopping. Eventually, they retire, dedicate their (rest of) life to the study of metaphysical truths and die. Their heirs consider it’s their pious duty to carry on the tragically abandoned study, and the society is paralyzed. One can easily blame the Being and metaphysics for the current state of things in Romania

— scris de gavagai